i think i bought my first computer in 1991. i have always known that it would be wise to habitually backup my hard drives. but i can safely say that i have not done a hard drive backup more than three or four times over all those years. it has never been an issue. last night it became an issue. the hard drive, that i had recorded the last years work to, bit it. i mean BIT. maybe a few thousand dollars later i might be able to get some of it back. bit. belle and my friend john (a computer tech over trying to help) were pretty mortified. i was not. not really. and today i have some excitement in my stomach about music, about writing. i still see music as a process of learning. all the music i wrote this year hasnt gone away. only the songs have. ive learned alot this year and that continues to inform me and my work now. in that sense it will exist in my work upcoming. living is a process that involves alot of loss and in the last year ive had a bigger than normal portion. and of course i wouldnt choose loss, or choose to have my work erased, but losses create spaces and i have to fill those spaces with something and in so doing i am defining my life; the space i fill. if the tibetan sand mandala makers are the model, then the sand is dispersed and it is time to begin work again. i might setup an automatic backup system this time.