Friday, March 14, 2008

i was trying to think of some way to write about the last few weeks of my life. i was thinking about how we dont do dying very well in this country; we dont actually do dying at all, really. but it all just kept feeling wrong somehow. i kept writing but i just kept not wanting to post it. the simple truth is that my friend, my mentor, a father figure to me, died. he died and it broke my heart. he showed me how to become a man. he showed me a way to behave in this world that would create a person i could respect. he is now gone. i can say i miss him right now. but i wont really miss him, really, until i hit the next dark patch in my life. the kind where you are left feeling that all your previous experience somehow doesnt apply. he wont be there to call for input. he wont be there to direct me toward a clearing. of course i will continue to carry his words with me, words of loving guidance that he has given me and instilled in me for eighteen years. and that will have to do, because he is gone. he died among seven men whose lives he transformed. we came to his rescue. we visited him unconscious and intubated in the hospital. we got him out of the hospital when he came to because he didnt want to die there. we fed him morphine while his jaundiced body slept for his last two days. we took care of a man who had taken such care of us. i was honored to watch the end of so great a life. to stand vigil. to bear witness. to care for. he was my captain.

............ Bob Timmins Sept 27, 1946 - March 5, 2008 .........

44 comments:

Anonymous said...

All of us are bonded together, you die, I die...thats the way it is.
-PW
Thank you for sharing this most intimate of feelings and insight. The hero lays down the sword and embraces the dignity of death. You help to bring your captain to a dignafied end, and yet a new beginning in our lives....his conciousness flows from you to us...adn in that way he is immortalized.

Heal with peace and love.

SeannieMac

George D said...

Wow, thanks for sharing this that is really intimate and personal, Well Said!

Anonymous said...

Eric, Sending love and support. Bob was always cool as possible to me. Always had that sparkle. Where mischief meets grattitude meets service. Rock on Bob! You never had to go back to the rooftop. RIP Timmons.

Respect and kindness,
Mike

Anonymous said...

Bob's obituary
http://www.latimes.com/news/obituaries/la-me-timmins8mar08,0,1274165.story

Anonymous said...

All the best E. I was there holding my mothers hand as she left.

It was time suspended with my mind finding useless distraction in breaths per minute taken...a inimitable force in my life reduced to oxygen and time ratios, but it was just numb to what was too overwhelming to it to contemplate. I was there for four days waiting for the inevitable, and as those breaths slowed, I could sense it was near. That moment, the exact moment that bridged this life and the unknowable was profound. Still to much to comprehend, so I leave you with that. I wish I had worked harder to expel those images of the last useless days. There is far more to remember than that.

I know a couple of bikers from a meeting I frequented who knew him. They had nothinng but beautiful things to say about him...only kind and loving words. I remain amazed at those who can embrace the life of recovery so completely...the consttitutionally capable. They are miracles.

Be well,

SR

matt volpe said...

Hi Eric,

Very sorry to hear of your loss. My sincere condolences to you and those who knew Bob. He sounded like an amazing individual and someone who really mattered in life. You wrote from the heart and it shows. Be well and my best to you during this time, Matt

Matea Lac. said...

hang in there...when you lose somebody, it takes time for you to realise he/she is no longer here, you can't hear hei/her voice, cant look at her/his eyes anymore... but as lon as you don't forget that person, he's here.

Please contact me at soadmala@gmail.com

andy said...

sounds like a great guy

Anonymous said...

Oops on the mispell. Names are sacred.

RIP Timmins

R&K
M

Anonymous said...

sad to lose loved ones, crazy process of life. makes you numb and confused.

amazing how time heals though, souls pass on everyday, and new ones are born everyday. how beautiful to see a new borns smile.

some things are just out of our control, live life and love, surrender to it, you'll feel better.

dominic di zinno said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dominic di zinno said...

Bob gave me rides; Bob bought me meals; Bob returned my calls; Bob found me jobs; Bob introduced me to girls; Bob always stopped to talk to my poseur punk-ass during his Sunday afternoon constitutional down the Venice boardwalk; Bob took me seriously; and Bob never asked me for anything. I, too, mourn his death.

I'll make prayers for him in the best way I know how.

kalavinka said...

on the same day in the suburbs my grandfather died. he was the strongest male figure in my life and that of my cousins who didn't have fathers. now that he's gone, i feel like i know more about him than when he was alive which is quite sad but that's what happens when everyone tells stories of rememberance. RIP.

Thomas I. said...

Sorry for your loss.

All the best,
Tom

Anonymous said...

Eric,

Been listening, learning this tune since about the beginning of February. Maybe an intuitive response to what you and another friend of mine were putting out into the universe. Been playing it on organ and piano. A little guitar too. This version is Oscar Peterson.

It is titled “Goodbye”.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=-Ebo12xg4ws

Irie heights.

R&K
Mike

Anonymous said...

Eric,

Been listening, learning this tune since about the beginning of February. Maybe an intuitive response to what you and another friend of mine were putting out into the universe. Been playing it on organ and piano. A little guitar too. This version is Oscar Peterson.

It is titled “Goodbye”.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=-Ebo12xg4ws

Irie heights.

R&K
Mike

JM said...

Eric:

The Bhagavad Gita says something that I'd like to quote here: “There has never been a time when you and I have not existed, nor will there be a time when we will cease to exist. As the same person inhabits the body through childhood, youth, and old age, so too at the time of death he attains another body. The wise are not deluded by these changes.”

Quantum physics have shown this to be true, regardless of opinions.

I'm more than sure that during your next dark patch you'll find someone that'll make it brighter. Things happen for a reason.

Take care,
JM

C. Brian said...

EA,

What a poignant, moving post about a high-caliber person who had a profound, positive impact on you. I am sorry for your loss. Lucky him that a friend like you could be there as he departed. I agree w/ you that we don't do dying well. We don't do grieving well either. I hope you are able to find the time and space to process the experience and reflect on the gift of Bob Timmins himself and his gifts to you.

.kelly said...

I think that death should not be remembered in grieving, but rather in a celebration of a good life. Two years ago I went to the funeral of my mom's old dance instructor (Afro-Brazillian style) who was a huge part of the San Francisco carnival parades. Hundreds of people showed up to celebrate his life and there was dancing and music with about 50 people playing the drums so that Carlos could be remembered how he would like to. If people were more willing to do this, death would be a lot easier to get over.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry Eric.

you can write at this site whatever you want make you you feel better

http://www.hatebook.com

here's a sample

"I hate how in American, the "ideal" life is working 12 hours a day, battling traffic, giving our kids meds just to behave, and pretending like we're happy."

lemme know

-Onandowaga

Anonymous said...

This post has really bothered me...I think I figured it though. There are no fucking shortcuts to being a man. The truth on that matter exists independent of what others may think. Ones appearance to the world is useless. It reminds me of Kant and his idea of 'moral worth'. Duty is key...the right thing done when no one is looking, when there is no reward... just for the sake of duty when faced with an ethical crisis or even the lesser propositions that life presents which require decision making and action.

and after all is said and done, one can't teach (anything) until one is a person that one can be proud of, within acceptable standards....,anything else if fraud.

Best, SR

Medina said...

What a blessed man you are for having met such a beautiful and giving spirit!

I just went and read Mr. Timmins' obit. Someone was there for him. He was there for you and a host of others. You have probably already been there for others.

If you help someone when called upon again, you help keep Mr. Timmins alive in you, no? = )

Again, you are a very blessed man! Take care.

Craig said...

God Bless...

Anonymous said...

I'm very sorry for your loss, very sorry. But I am quite impressed with the dignified, thoughtful way in which you chose to share it. Something you didn't have to do.

No, we don't do dying well in this country, I lost my father when I was 13 and it was really hard. I was already a veteran of many surgeries and hospital visits of my own, but nothing prepared me for being on the other side watching my father die of cancer. It's rough. But it gives you a depth too, so in a weird way it's a gift.

Take care of yourself and know that he's still with you and is proud of you, I'm sure.

namaste-

Catherine

Anonymous said...

HeY E-
Probably not the news you wanted to here but your album is floating around the net already........and it sounds awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
R

sam said...

i've never had a mentor die, not looking forward to it. inevitable though, i guess.

thanks for sharing, godspeed and keep positive, which you seem to be doing.

sam

McMuffin said...

It was very sad to hear about your loss.

-ea. said...

to you all- big thanks to all of you for all the kind words. it has been a heavy time. but it has been good; all things considered. i generally find that when life gets this big i find it much more interesting. its always been the ordinary grind, ordinary days when nothing is really happening, that i find most difficult.

-ea. said...

R - im glad to hear that folks care enough about my record to rip and burn copies.

and thanks for the kind review.

Anonymous said...

as a torrent thief of your new record i can assure you i will be doing the same as i did with the polar bear disks....buying two incase something happens to the first ( like my friends stealing it)

thanks a ton for the stoke it has me on...and i hope to see ya drag your butt out to the dragonfly at least once with it

i never really knew how much of polar bears vibe was you till now

ty
kingsvikes

George D said...

Well the wait is over, pre maturely, I found help wanted on a torrent site, even though i already have it pre ordered i was gonna buy it no matter what cause i like to actually have a physical copy in my hand anyways to blare on my stero while i shower. And i am not dissapointed i bought it! every track on this disk is incredible eric avery! U have not lost oe biut of talent at all ur still on top of ur game its amazing. I love beside the fire its so good, Revolutions piano dangling is amazing, maybe is such a good song, unexploded is great, walk through walls is my favorite track its so strange and that guitar riff is great, your vocals and the music go togetehr so well, its one of my favorite songs ever, philo has a great groove chicken bone is great porchlight is a masterpiece song in the silence is another stand out and suns gone aka animals aka whatever else is a great closer. And the bad thing about this that really does stand out is that it leaves me wanting more, b-sides? demo's? anything!

You rock, the album rocks, i cant wait till i get to have that cd in my hands, peace! and i want more!!

Yuyi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
.kelly said...

I pre-ordered Help Wanted and I can't wait, but since you don't seem to want to kill the people that are already listening to the whole album via torrent, I'm going to do just that. I can't wait, all of the work you've been involved in is fucking awesome.

.kelly said...

Listening to walk thru walls. Epic. This albums is going to be played a lot thru my life.

Anonymous said...

Eric, have you listened to any of Dave Navarro's new music with Scribble lately. its really good. you should listen to it.

Jamie said...

I am so sorry to hear this. Sending you love.

Jamie

K Max said...

Hi Eric,
It's amazing that we never met, yet we both had the exact same experience with Bob. In fact, I'm finding many who did. He was absolutely a second father to me (and was there for me when my biological father passed), mentor, lighthouse of direction. You and I only met recently on that amazing day in Big Sur. I was at Bob's home the fateful evening just hours before he passed. Yes, we were (and will continue to be) forever touched/linked to this powerful, gentle, beautiful spirit. I only shared with him for the last 7 years (not 18 like you) but I am eternally greatful for the 7 years. His spirit and vibe in omnipresent.

JM said...

It's funny... I downloaded Help Wanted, but I still haven't listened to it, I'm not sure why. I wanna play it with every frequency alive, uncompressed.
I'm sure I won't be dissapointed.

Yo, wazzup with Tibet!
It shows us how big are economics... nobody's saying "no" to China... nobody's saying "no" to Tibet... basically, nobody's saying nothing. Just like me right now :P

Peeps: care to help kids around the world? Wanna know about a somewhat new and interesting initiative?
Check out www.artinallofus.org ; the promote art amongst children all over the world. Check them out. :)

George D said...

Hey EA i just saw the Video for all remote and no control its great and very dark! its cool visually and fits the song very well, i would love to see a video for walk through walls! Love that song. like alice in Wonderland.

You rock cant wait to get the CD in my hands!

Curt said...

very cool video for all remote no control. kind of lynch-esque. what if you are the next big hit on TRL?

matt volpe said...

Wow, the video is both beautiful and disturbing at the same time my friend, overall a deep and unfiltered look inside the music, really well shot and edited as well. Was it shot on film or hi def DV? Will it play on Fuse or anything like that? Awesome Eric, thanks for keeping it all real. Looking forward to Tuesday.

Matt

matt volpe said...

Oh, and Eric, congrats on the great review of Help Wanted in the April issue of Bass Player (with Randy Jackson on the cover), awesome to see you getting well deserved recognition!

Anonymous said...

wow! fantastic video - very creative, looks beautiful...and expensive?

R

Anonymous said...

I went to the picnic today. I was hoping to see you perform in the Timmons tribute band. I was hoping to meet you as well, and introduce you to my son.

His legacy was celebrated and my son and I enjoyed some magical moments during the show.

He was loved and the discourse and the harmonies said a great deal on his behalf.

It was meaningful and it went along way towards Spinoza's idea of immortality.

This thread is buried in the blog, but as always I wish you well, and I thank you for your contribution to the soundtrack of my life.

Be well,

SR